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The marriage was another question. Not only was my wife going to divorce me, she had already chosen who she was divorcing me for. The thing is, I’d sucked cock while we were married, so I couldn’t really blame her. The other thing, the more important thing, was I stopped trying and so did she. When we got married,I told myself I was lucky and I meant it. She’s amazing. But when I allow myself to be honest, I haven’t looked at her thatway for some time. And I didn’t want to any longer. These one-night affairs I had on the road taught me a couple of things about myself. Or rather, those hours on the airplane flying home from some strange city allowed me to stop rationalizing what I was doing and admit to myself what I really needed. Her divorcing me was only the kick in the ass to get me to wake up.I realized women were nice, but that they didn’t really do anything for me anymore. I’ve had my chances and always turned them down, gently. And then said yes when a guy would message me on. I don't like her." Speak up. You're mumbling. I can't understand some of what you're saying." I'm thinking out loud. What difference does it make to me what happens to Betty? I mean, aside from how it affects the kids, if she's miserable, I'm blissful with you. And if she's happy, I'm still blissful with you."I looked her in the eyes."What does it make me if some of my satisfaction with life and with you depends on screwing up her life?"She took a good twenty seconds before speaking."I hope you aren't expecting an answer. I'm the therapist. We only ask questions. Leading questions perhaps, but questions nonetheless."I thought for a while."I think it makes me someone I wouldn't be proud to be. Still, it feels wrong to just let her get away with all that." Has she gotten away with it? Has it cost her anything at all?"I was still looking uneasy."So am I powerless? How can I just let stuff happen to me and feel like a, man?"She gave me a very warm smile."My macho guy." Karen checked her.
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