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Me by the window, Edward protecting me on the aisle. As we went to the gate earlier, I ran into the woman’s room to freshen up, and when I went to take lipstick out, I saw a new, crisp hundred-dollar bill there. I guess I had taken my punishment and then pleased my husband last night.On the plane, we leaned against each other in contentment. But about an hour before we landed, Edward whispered in my ear, “Now remember Charlotte you have the rest of your punishment from the other day when we get to the room, and I think we will add another hour on it for last night. So, you will have three hours of corner time before we can enjoy the pool and beach.”I was heartbroken, I forgot about that, and now an extra hour with my nose pressed in the corner. And he would probably spank me once more as a reminder of how I needed to be good. I had so wanted to get out in the sun as soon as we got there, but accepted that yes, I had been told I would have this coming to me, so while a few tears. ’ I fought the temptation to say it, but my anger was making difficult. “Thanks,” I said instead, but with a tone as dry as the brick wall behind me.She walked away and I looked out over the cafeteria for the hundredth time, trying to avoid the gaze of the people looking at me and loathing what everyone was. Humanity was as much of a cancer as the tumors in my brain, and I hated my species with every fiber in my being. I hated the weakness, the greed, the stupidity, the shortsightedness, and every other thing that made us the overgrown cockroaches that we were. I had to hate them, for my own good. Even before my cancer, my life had been agony. My mind was ravaged by its own cold existence, all this time cheated out of chemicals like serotonin. For most of my life I haven’t known what peace, happiness, or sanity meant. I’m trapped in a realm of existence that I cannot escape from, and no matter how well I live, be it a billionaire or a homeless vagrant, my misery and anger will be.
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