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I saw the door close and the hearse slowly pulling away and I knew at that moment that neither the flowers nor Jen were ever coming back to me. My love was gone... gone forever. I collapsed into the limo and started crying — even my tears were black.I drifted for the next month. I took a leave of absence from work — they gave my next project to someone else. I couldn't deal with the house. I found an agent and dumped the subleasing of the house on him. He found an apartment for me and took care of moving what I wanted to keep.For the first week I sat around and looked at the walls in the small apartment. I kept thinking of the song by Jim Reeves,"Four walls to hear meFour walls to seeFour walls too near meClosing in on me"I finally had to get away. I drove to the coast and took long walks on the beach. I ate but the food was tasteless. It was all just so... so sudden: from white to black in an instant. The sun shone brightly; my days were gray.I started running on the beach instead. "You did good Freak." She said as she stroked my head gently. "I want you to know, baby, that I'm not going to let anything too bad happen to you. I'm gonna keep you safe but you need to do what I tell you. But I promise you'll enjoy it in the end. I'll show you love and respect for submitting to me. Okay, sweetie? I know you need me to be mean and I will be, but you know I still care about you, right?" Yes Miss Crystal." I was in heaven. I felt so special to be allowed to serve this cruel but still generous black goddess."Look me in the eyes." I looked up and she started laughing. "Oh my god you're so stupid! You believed me, I can tell. No, you god damn freak I don't give a shit about you. I'm gonna do stuff to you that will permanently injure you. I'm gonna burn you and cut you and put your ass on the street where people can pay to fuck you. You think someone who cared about you would do that shit? You're nothing. You're a fucking dog you fat white.
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