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But it certainly did a good job ofdiverting my attention, and I couldn't ask for a better guitar to fillthe hole that Derek had created in my heart.After we got home I spent the rest of the day getting to know Sparkle. IfI was going to be playing it on stage tomorrow, I wanted to make surethat I was comfortable with it. Besides, I just couldn't get enough ofhearing the wonderful music that it was capable of creating.Dad, Mom, Austin, and even Emily and Ethan all made appearances duringthe music marathon I created. I was restless during dinner as I wanted toget back to playing more music. I was starting to feel worn out againwhen Dad finally convinced me to head for bed. I had some interviews inthe morning, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay up playing like Iwanted to.I truly felt happy for the first time since Derek had shattered my life.---The next morning was a whirlwind of activity as usual. It started with anumber of radio interviews for stations in the L.A. area in the. The stories hidden inside paintings, the shades it casts upon every soul, and the shadows that dance there. I wonder how she became so weak. I imagine, like those before her, pure tiredness. She gave up a little, not all at once, a little here, a little there. It became easier to not argue, to not put up a fight. Because when she did, it only brought on more heartache to herself. The child, the woman, she, her… all being me. Sweet Jesus I wonder when I stopped caring. Why did I give up my fight? I wonder why I can’t see the light that is suppose to shine at the end of every tunnel? How did a woman so young in years grow to feel to empty and old? Jaded. I hide myself from friends for days on end, fearing they will see what I see when I look in the mirror. I shun my family for giving me the memories that have formed me into the person that I have become. I wonder what happened to the woman that use to be vivacious. She is a rare visitor, or maybe I just imagined her. Maybe she only.
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