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“LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! I’M ALREADY MISERABLE! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED?!!? YOU WANT ME TO FEEL DEAD INSIDE?!!? I DO! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!!?”I wasn’t aware I was screaming and crying and I didn’t even feel it when Mary plucked the phone out of my hand. “Hello? Whoever this is, please stop calling him. He had to watch the woman he loved die in his arms. Whatever you think he’s done to hurt you, he’s suffering more than he can cope with. Calling to taunt him is more cruel than anything he could have done to you. So, please, leave him alone.”She hung up the phone and the two of them picked me up from where I’d slid down the wall. They put me back to bed and came to check on me through the evening until I drifted off into a fitful sleep plagued by the dreams where I was back in the car with Sabrina. Those dreams came all too often and that moment before the light turned green was the last time I was happy.I woke up suddenly, aware of the room around me as sleep vanished like a popped. He's got this box of erasers out of a cupboard and is throwing them across the classroom. They're hitting me, very hard, on the head.Of course, his mates think this is highly amusing and join in, so within about ten seconds I'm drowning in this fucking sea of stationary, and they're singing, "Chris is a wanker!" over and over and over a-fucking-gain!Mr Hythe looks up and just tells them to calm down. Doesn't bollock them or anything, just tells them to calm down because he's trying to take the register.So I'm being insulted and attacked, and no-one - no-one out of a class of thirty kids - defends me. I just take it.I just fucking take it.I hate all of this.Everything seems to mount up, after a while. You think you can cope - with being depressed, being bullied, being a fucking tranny - but you can't. In the end, they always win. They wear you down. You can resist - *I* can resist as much as I like, but it doesn't make a scrap of difference.I just want to crawl under a rock.
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