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“I gotta grow a thicker skin, I guess. I wish you didn't talk about me. About US on your show”“Yeah.” I can feel my eyes narrowing as you echo your previous monosyllabic response. “I won't do that so much any more.” To my ears the words sound ominous. You stumble on. “I'm sorry I mentioned your tits. I'm not sorry I criticized your dress-sense but someone had to say something...” I should have been angry, right then. I should have been inconsolable. But one side of your mouth twitches in place of the ability to grin. You reach for me with skinny arms that I call home, encircling my waist. I exhale as though I have been holding my breath for ten years, leaning into your embrace. We're so close I can smell your skin. I nuzzle your neck.“You shouldn't do those things.” I reprimand. Another pause.“Babe, you do bad things too. This would never have started if you hadn't stripped naked at the pub.” I'm listening. One impertinent finger lifts my chin so we have eye contact. “In future,. “Is this a huge anus we’re talking about here?” “Well I’m Hugh Jainus,” replied a slightly flustered Hugh Jainus. “But I don’t have a huge anus. It’s just average.” “Well then, I suggest a aloe lotion three ply all natural recycled unscented roll for you average sized 1983 half Italian, Quarter French, seven thirty seconds Norwegian and one thirty second native American anus.” offered a confident Phil. “I think you’ll find it a satisfactory paper for you anus.” “Is that a good paper for an occasional hog slapper?” Inquired Hugh. “I sometimes think about a woman playing a trombone while wearing a top hat and a form fitting black stretch fit halter mini dress with sequin detail and slinky sheer summer shiny suntan sheer to the waist comfort waistband flat seam ten denier reinforced toe pantyhose. When I think about it, my penis hardens and lengthens.” continued Hugh. “The cylindrical erectile tissue in my penis becomes engorged with blood. The blood fills my.
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