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It was Halloween, the best holiday of the year as far as he was concerned, and his mother had told him she could take him trick or treating as soon as she had finished the ironing. ‘No! That’s not fair!’ His sister’s voice aroused his curiosity, and Mikey crept to the stairs to listen in on her. ‘I don’t care what you think is fair!’ his mother replied, ‘You’ll do it because I said so!’ ‘But I had plans tonight! You know I was going to a party!’ ‘Your father and I don’t go out to dinner very often, and this came up last minute. I’m sure we’ll be home in time for you to catch the end of your party.’ ‘This is lame!’ Judith shouted. Mikey jumped back into his room as he heard her stomping up the staircase. She blew past his room in a rush and slammed her bedroom door behind her. After a moment, his mother’s voice drifted up the staircase, ‘Mikey? Can you come down here, please?’ He put his cars on the bed and headed downstairs. His mother was in the kitchen ironing a shirt in her bra. Throwing on a light coat, he made a zombie-like trip to his favorite bodega for a few essentials and an atypically bland sandwich. The owner was so surprised by his order that he began interrogating him, but when Luke mimed the universal sign for drinking too much, the questions were replaced by an empathetic nod. He was back in his apartment, attempting to psych himself up for a meal his stomach was rather forcefully protesting, when his phone chirped.Did you manage to kill yourself?Tried and failed.How hard?No sleep, no food, bottle of Champagne, bottle of 1964 Bas-Armagnac, an entire day of heaves that turned from wet to dry, one broken crystal stem, one broken cheap-ass tumbler, bleeding from the back of my head, ice pack on my elbow, probably some other things I haven’t discovered yet.Jesus fucking Christ, Luke.On the bright side, I had a lovely day date with my toilet, and I think we’re going to keep seeing each other.Finally, someone other than me that’s used to putting up.
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