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I did random shit like collect sticks and whittle them into spears. I did even randomer shit like take those spears out into the woods and throw them at groundhogs. One time one of the spears randomly hit a groundhog. He didn’t die. He just got kind of pissed and I got scared and ran away as fast as I could. I don’t know if groundhogs can get rabies. I pictured his enormous front death digging into the flesh on my calf and tearing it apart like corned beef. I pictured falling to the ground, screaming in pain as the groundhog dug out my eyes with his teeth and ate them. I pictured bleeding out in the middle of the woods in Boonton, New Jersey, no eyes, no left calf, just a pocket full of hand whittled spears and a stomach full of crab dip and possibly a new case of rabies that would ravage my dead body. I usually picture my own death about four or five times a day so this wasn’t out of the ordinary but it definitely spooked me.I decided to go to the empanada place down on Main Street.. The statement told the press about the great love he had for his wife and how much he would miss her and how the public would miss all of the charity work that she used to perform.When he finished the statement, he turned and started back into the house with the reporters shouting questions at him. Priscilla followed him to the house until she felt a hand grab her arm and hold her. A young reporter had fought his way to the front of the mob and shoved a microphone in front of her face."Ma'am, would you tell us who you are?" I'm Senator Parsons secretary. Senator Parsons and my father were business partners and best friends." Ma'am what is your relationship with Senator Parsons?" the young man shouted.Priscilla turned to him, "What are you implying?'The young man smiled, confident that he had his story, "We'd like to know what your relationship is to Senator Parsons." As I told you I am the Senator's secretary and I resent your insinuation and hope that your supervisors recognize you.
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