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Beginning tomorrow at 0001 hours, all female Elves will wear the sperm resistant undies designed by Santa’s niece, Mistress Mistletoe at all times and will refrain from displaying bare bottoms to any male humans at all times.The following female Elves have been notified of eminent banishment to the human world within twenty-four hours according to paragraph 21 of the new contract.Irene Tinytits Resident number 000678 (18 Christmas’s old)Doreen Roundcheeks Resident number 000556 (19 Christmas’s old)Maisie Deepthroat Resident number 000488 (20 Christmas’s old)Irene and Doreen are with child and will be given stipends for the first year. Maisie is not pregnant, but has been proven to be a time waster of the worse sort constantly using her mouth to slow down the male Elf workers during the Christmas season. She is a danger to production quotas and must be banished with the other two backsliders.Remember the new 2017 North Pole slogan and use it often when temptation is in the. Music starts and the two children sing “Hey Paula.” After applause subsides, they again address the audience.PAUL: It was amazing that this song existed. But we do want to get married when we grow up.PAULA: That’s a long time to wait, but we can just be girlfriend and boyfriend until then. Our love is everlasting.Immediately they launch into “Everlasting Love,” to the cheers of the crowd. As the end-of-song cheering fades, Paula again addresses the crowd.PAULA: It sounds like you’re all having fun!A roar of applause confirms that yes, they are indeed having fun. The huge grins on these little kids show that they too are having fun. But then Paul’s expression turns serious.PAUL: You know, some people say that we can’t really be in love, because we’re so young. Well they can say whatever they want; you don’t have to be very old to know how you feel.PAULA: That’s right. That’s why I cried the first time I ever heard this next song. It was written before our grandparents were born, but I.
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