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She can’t move, and she continues to bawl in my arms. She probably saw a photo, a post, some sort of trigger. Or she could have just been thinking about high school, about him, about all the different ways he touched her, about all the pain he’s caused her, about all the pain that is still here, years later. About the pain she fears may never go away. She’s shaking in my arms and I’m all that’s holding her steady. Here, held so tight, she is able to let go. She is able to not be as strong as she always is. She is able to cry without having to worry. Without having to think. Just to feel. It’s times like this she feels broken. It’s times like this that she feels like her body is dirty. Tarnished. Ruined. It’s times like these that all she can see on her body are his handprints, forever burned into her flesh. It pains me to see her like this. None of it’s true, but I can’t make her see that. I can’t make her heal faster. I can only help, remind her of her worth, remind her I care for. Gonna be sick. Gonna be sick. Which platform? Which fucking platform. Scan the departure board with shaved eyes. Relief. Oh thank fuck. Delayed by fifteen minutes. Stop. Heart pounding, legs like jelly. Oh fuck. Calmer now. Even time to get a coffee. Heart slowing. Walk to the train. Find seat. Coffee on table. Bag on overhead luggage rack. Sit down. Stand up. Bag down. Side pocket. Yes. Quarter bottle of cognac. Stand up. Bag up. Sit down. No-one watching. Shaking hand pours the elixir. Take a sip. Bitter sweet and alcohol. Another sip. Feeling better now. Relax. Sit back. Close eyes. That was the trouble with Charlie. He just couldn’t keep it in his trousers. Even last night when he knew how important it was to catch the train. Even though he knew what a big day he had in front of him. He’d gone out with some mates with the full intention of just having a few and then getting home for an early (-ish, night. Let’s face it, it was never going to be that early). After a few beers at.
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