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When he walked her to her door that evening she took his hand and drew him inside. He started to say something but she hushed him with a finger softly placed upon his lips. “Ben, it’s all right. I just want to be with you. You don’t have to do anything,” she said. Ben nodded but his face was like that of man facing the hangman. “Do you want to talk about it?” “Uh, not really. I mean we talked about it lots before, didn’t we?” “I don’t mean like that. I mean like friends, more than friends, perhaps?” “Oh yes, more than friends. OK.” He took a deep breath. “The thing is, Jane, I think I’m falling for you in big way. Now, it’s suddenly really important to me that everything’s right. I want it to be perfect for you. And I’m scared I’ll be a disappointment.” She smiled. “You won’t disappoint me, Ben. Don’t you think that every time two people make love for the first time at least one of them is nervous? Usually it’s the woman: ‘will he like me? Will he find me attractive? Will he think. Some of my friends ... They'd never understand any of it.How could they when I myself didn't understand it?All I knew was Kevin waited on the other side of that door and I felt like a little girl at Christmas. I wanted my presents and I wanted them now. I couldn't wait another second. My heart was hammering, my stomach knotted up with happy anticipation. My pussy was wet and had been wet for a long while, just as my nipples ached hot and cold and desperate for some attention.I could have taken my new husband upstairs. He'd been begging for it all night. He'd do anything I wanted, I knew that. I'd made vows to the man, and accepted his. I wore Rodney's ring on my finger. I wore my mother's wedding dress on my body. I'd kept my virginity for nineteen years just because it made my daddy proud, and that had made me proud of myself ... I was going to throw all of that away? I was going to trash it, as if none of it mattered? I was slapping the face of everyone I loved, everyone who was.
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