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Forty minutes later the show had finished and I was changed and following Julie as she drove Maria back home in the van. When we got indoors Maria decided she was tired enough to go to bed. John had apparently gone around the time we had completed our demolition of the Falcons team. And with no news from London I decided it was time to go to bed with Julie for company for the second successive night while Ross McLelland insisted that Maddy join mum and dad in their bed while Naomi, who had insisted on hanging around accompanied him as he joined his parents.SUNDAY JULY-10The frustration of no news from London continued into Sunday. And the trip to the hospital became not just a way of helping Maria and Vikki's father with their rehab but also a way to relieve the waiting and the lack of news.Of course Maria gave it her usual one hundred and ten percent and as ever her irresistible enthusiasm rubbed off, not just on John but also on everybody else. So much so that they both reached a. Where she celebrates life, I celebrate death. Where she always favoured life, I constantly sought death. I never did find out why I was like this, to see life as cheap and unworthy of treading on. To constantly seek my own end, repeatedly and without remorse. Maybe I'm just weird, maybe I'm one of those not suitable for a life in the fast lane.Regardless, it didn't change the fact that I attempted suicide many times. Often, for some very simple reasons, such as failing an exam, running on debts, dumped by my boyfriend and even having a B- in one of my subjects. I've tried many methods of suicide, but unfortunately, either it didn't work, or I was too chicken to do it.I've learnt from experience that a simple intention for suicide is not enough to end your life. You need to be in extreme pain and despair for it to work. Whoever said that committing suicide is a coward's way of running from reality must've been idiots. Have they themselves tried committing suicide? Did they have any.
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