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And she was the epitome of nerd, wearing her hair in pigtails, wearing out-of-fashion glasses and always carrying a book. She also always wore long skirts and dressed as if she had just been time-warped from 1955. To make matters even worse, she had been wearing braces for the past three years. Anyway, when I returned from overseas, Lily had just begun college. It was just one week into the term and I imagined she would already be deep into Advanced Calculus for fun. The night that changed everything started like so many other uneventful nights. I had a date with a chick I had met a week earlier. I figured we would eat, catch a flick and then fuck. Meatloaf sings two out of three ain't bad, but it sure is when the one I don't get is laid. As fate would have it, I got a call from a high school buddy who was now a member of Alpha Delta something or other. He sounded drunk as he slurred on the phone, "Dude, get your ass to the Alpha house now." Why?" I asked having been there last. He spent the night on my sofa.The next morning, I went to an AA meeting and phoned my sponsor Hal Roberts. He was in his sixties and he and his wife, Nelda, were my second family. He and I went fishing together, and I had dinner with them once a week. I had been going to take Melody to their house for dinner the day that Karen had ended her life.I met him for lunch at Gordy's and I unloaded on him. He listened, his blue-gray eyes never leaving my face. When I finished speaking, he reached across the table and gently swatted my cheek with his hand. "Son, stop feeling guilty. No matter how much you want to do it, you can't protect Melody from everything. You can only do what you can do and nothing more."I started to protest that I wasn't feeling guilty, but stopped myself. He was right. I was playing an if only game with myself. If only I had been in the store that day; if only I had called her and asked her to take the day off. I had a list that would have gone for pages had I taken.
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