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.. tempted by the possibility. But, it doesn’t feel like this overwhelming need that I’d pursue if it meant losing you. If you tell me I have to choose, I already know I’ll choose you.”Lev looked up, stroked her hair and left his hand resting on the back of her head. Arwen had always felt like Lev was strong enough to crush her skull in one hand, but that he’d sooner cut his own arm off than hurt her. He gently turned her to face him now. “Ari, I meant what I said on the Fourth. I would put a ring on your finger today if you’d let me. I don’t ever want to leave you.”“What makes you think I wouldn’t let you?” Arwen asked.“Put a ring on your finger?” Lev frowned. “I think it might put a damper on your dating prospects.”“As opposed to the large Israeli man who goes around with me everywhere?” Arwen asked. “I don’t need those kind of prospects, Lev. I’m not looking to fall in love with someone else. I’m certainly not looking to get involved with anyone under false pretenses. I want to. ...What a fucked up life this is I thought.I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier times, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take some leave to sort herself out. Susan begged me to be kinder to Amanda and ended her email by adding that she really believed that Amanda thought what she was doing was for both our benefits and begged me to call Amanda for a chat if I still cared about her to help her through her depression.That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had accepted.
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