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"I cannot hope to find the words that would make you understand," Jollis began. "I can tell you only that my feelings for you were and are real. Whether you choose to accept it I must leave to you."Amanda swallowed and shook her head. "No, you don't do things like this when you care for someone. I can't get myself to believe that. You can't have it both ways, Jollis. You can't both claim feelings for me and justify what your people did. You had a hand in both of them."Jollis let out a heartfelt sigh."What is it you want from me?" Amanda demanded. "You want me to tell you everything's okay? You want me to tell you not to worry about it? You want me to try and rationalize all this just because you said a few kind words to me? I'm sorry, but that's too much to ask."Amanda's eyes teared. She wiped them in annoyance and fought to keep her voice steady."If you were just a bystander ... i-if this was a case of you just happening to be part of the same people that did all this ... then maybe. That’s how long it has been since your lovely and vibrant wife, Lisa, died.A not-insignificant part of you died when Lisa did. Married for ten years, it’s not an exaggeration to say that they were the happiest years of your life. You hadn’t known what you were missing before meeting her. She took you into her life in her gentle and eager way, making you feel like the center of her universe. You’re not stupid, you were not, but she had that ability. A way to make everyone feel like she was focused on only them. You didn’t mind that she had a family before you. An absolute piece of crap ex-husband, and three beautiful daughters. You were blissfully happy. You didn’t want children, you had a vasectomy. She made her family appeal to your, somehow. You were so happy.Five years ago, that ended at the front bumper of a van. Some drunk idiot, coming home from a company party. He hadn’t even noticed. The police found him two blocks away, snoring at the wheel of the vehicle he had gently run.
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