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These past few days the thought of suicide has been on my mind every other second. I keep selling the idea to myself that taking my life is some kind of final solution. Boom. No pain, no loss. I won’t feel a thing. No burning in hell. I damned sure won’t be hanging out on a cloud playing a harp. I want to believe that death is just an eternity of pitch black nothingness. No self awareness, no thoughts to run through my head ceaselessly. If I didn’t have such a manic mind I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. I have been trying to think of the moment that started this grand decline I am stuck in. The despair seemed to start setting in right after hurricane Charley. I knew I was in trouble then. I was too preoccupied with Ginny to really pay things any attention. If I go through with this she will be hurt more than anyone. When my pain stops hers will start. I know how selfish that is, but look at me. She deserves better than me. I haven’t been much of a boyfriend. " It was her next order.I leant forward, putting my hands on the cold tiles of this wall.Then she finally picked up the hem of my short dress, pulling it right up to my waist. I felt the cold air passing through my bare buttocks and my cunt, since I was not wearing any panties.I heard Barbara laughing quietly, as she looked down and noticed my naked ass cheeks. My legs were parted enough to show my glistening pussy lips.I arched my back further, pushing my buttocks out towards Barbara.I was wishing her fingers on me. I wanted her soft red lips on me. Anything. I just wanted her touching me. My naked pussy was right in display for her and I could hear her heavy breathing.Then she finally touched me. Her hand cupped up between my legs with a firm confidence that made me gasp. Then she pressed a finger into my cunt and I pushed back against her hand. She pushed straight in deep as far as her finger could reach and I found that I could not even cry out.Barbara started fucking me with two.
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