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I can’t even help myself ... and I’ve never had responsibilities or had people depend on me. They don’t want their lives to change they just want me to step in like he’d never died.”“None of us like change but life without it would be pretty boring don’t you think?” She could hear the smile in his voice. “And a little adversity now and then makes us strong, and makes us appreciate what we have.”“But what if I screw it up – hurt or disappoint all those people?”“Yes ... there’s that ... much better to not take the chance.”She wished she could see his face so she could read his expression, but his voice seemed sad.He went on, “You know the Tennyson poem where he says, I hold it true, whatever befall, I feel it when I sorrow most; Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?”“Yes, I think so, but I’ve never heard that first part.”“The poem is really a eulogy. Most take it out of context. People quote it when they suffer a breakup with someone they love, or think. No, they don’t want some stammering story about how difficult it was for me to stop my blanky twiddling and thumb sucking. This was a family out for blood at all costs. They were not going to be satiated with flushed cheeks, They needed meat ripped from bones and knockdown drag-out family quarrels that would end only at next year’s Christmas dinner. They weren’t going to let up. ‘Well, you see, I still have a ‘gaga’…’ I was in deep shit. All eyes had turned to me, the sound of forks clanking down on plates when the television has just reported a bombing or a brand new episode of Friends. My grandmother pursed her lips and folded her napkin. My husband tried to start a mild mannered conversation with the waiter. My brother and sister, of course, turned their goddamned chairs towards me, to be sure not to miss a word. I had to be proud. I had to prove to these people that yes, I might have an old blanky, but I am still smarter and far wittier. ‘Oh my God! You STILL have one? Haha …and.
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