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”“Damned if I do, damned if I don’t,” I chuckled. “If I lose control it’s bad. If I maintain control, it’s bad because everyone is expecting me to lose control. But I get it, because of past history. I’ll just keep chugging along. Did Jorge say anything when he brought the kids home?”“No.”“OK. I’ll talk to him during the week.”At home, as predicted, Birgit nearly tackled me when I walked in the door. I picked her up, kissed her, and carried her into the house. I unpacked my bag then joined the rest of the family in the sunroom for about thirty minutes before my sister and Ed arrived for dinner.After dinner, I was surprised when Kara told me to go with Samantha rather than with her at bedtime.“She only has two more weeks,” Kara had said firmly.It was clear that the girls had worked out some kind of arrangement and I wasn’t going to fight with them, so I went with Samantha to her room.“Have fun in Pittsburgh?” Samantha asked as we climbed into bed.“I did! How were things here?”“Crazy.. "I could see her looking at my bulging blouse. I looked away from her for a moment. I realized that I would not be able to hide what was happening to me from her forever. Eventually she would find out. I was terribly sad about it, but I had resigned myself to losing my breasts over the past few days. Over and above Mrs. Reynolds instructions not to discuss it, I wanted to keep it from Mom as long as possible. It would hurt her terribly, especially if she found out how it happened.As soon as I thought about protecting Mom from being hurt by what Mrs. Reynolds had done to me, another piece of the puzzle fell into place. I understood why she had been treating me the way she had. I understood why she put her own ideas of what was best for me ahead of our relationship. I understood why she had such a hard time relating to me as a person and why she and Dad never really got along.Their marriage was doomed from the start because Mom got married for the wrong reasons. She married Dad because.
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