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And if I do, must I then lose myself? As I liehere, holding you, lips so close, so close, what are the stakes. Aquestion not of inches, but of giant leaps. A moment on the edge ofbecoming -- but becoming what? A taunt? One of them? Or am I to becomesomeone else entirely -- are you that much, that unavoidable?Your hand stroking again, again along the curve, deepening curve ofwaist to hip, again to weigh a breast, again to that space between mylegs."Yes. Or that," you say. "To become that person."Ah.Surrender. And so as you tilt your hip to me, I bend to you. In thebasket that my fingers make, I feel those two roundnesses moving,blindly moving with their need, heavy with their need. I feel, even asyou lie still, waiting for me, how the life, the desire, the need thatis pulsing beneath your skin makes your shaft tremble against my skin,makes it move, seeking my touch. I feel the shock of holding another'serection in my hand. Familiar and yet so different. The thrill ofpleasure of a. I toss the used knife in the box and wait for my father to wake up, all the time I think out several things to do.When my father wakes up again I get up from a chair I had brought in and look at him. I think of Sandra and mom who are in the other room, they shouldn’t see this, not because I think he should die but I will feel bad about it but I don’t want to expose them not yet, Sandra’s too young and my mom doesn’t have to see her husband die gruesomely. “Now dad, don’t think this is because of some reason in the past, this is solely for my entertainment and because you don’t fit In my idea of a nice live.” I say and I pick my next toy of favor: the meat hammer. I don’t say anything but I grab his hairy balls hold them up in my hand and slam the hammer down on them, hard enough to crash them but not hard enough so he bleeds. My father once again blurs out some word and I look up. “You should be quiet, you’re giving mom and Sandra a big scare.” I calmly state and I duct tape his.
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