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I for one didn't care. We saw a lot of each other, and we got on well, but we were users. It was an unspoken agreement we had, we were together for the sex, nothing more.Gradually the word spread that I was an easy lay, and I began to be asked to party's in some of the strangest places, always with Joel in tow. He accepted what I was doing, and as long as he took me home and got a bit, everything else I did was okay.I had read somewhere that hate breeds hate, now I knew whoever wrote it was right. I had also read somewhere, that to turn your life around you had to reach rock bottom. Little did I know how soon that would happen?The weeks turned into months. As each week passed, I began drinking more, smoking more, loosing control over my body. I was now a welcoming pit for all comers. I hated myself for what I'd become, but was unable to stop the downward spiral. Sue was the only one in the house that knew what was happening to me. Many a night after I had come home, stoned, drunk,. " Not to get all judgy, here," Eric interjected. "But I'm calling bullshiton this whole 'we've decided' thing. Jake, be honest and admit you makeall the decisions, and she just does what she's told to do." I never ask her to do anything she's not ready to do." Jake said. Then tome he added, "We both want this. Don't we baby?"Smiling, i nodded my agreement."Is it any different with you and Justin?" Jake asked his friend."I treat Justin like a prince," Eric countered.Incredulous, Jake said, "Dude, you whore him out to your friends." Only my really close friends." For a moment, Eric gave the impressionthat he was honestly insulted. Then he disabused us of that notion byadding, "I don't think that occasional three-ways with guys I pick up in abars count."* * *Learning that my lover gets savagely aroused by seeing me dressed as agirl was too much for me to process quickly, so i retreated into the rolethat i find the most familiar. i became docile and compliant. I guessthat's how I ended up.
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