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I had seen that in a movie. I actually was a little scared. What if she saw me and refused? Could she do that? Would she? Doubt was slowly creeping its way into my mind. What was I thinking? I can’t go through with this. I should call and cancel the whole thing. The doorbell rang. Too late for bailing out now; I had to go through with this. I ran to the door and opened it. I swallowed hard at the sight of the girl standing in front of me. Her body looked exactly like in the picture on the website, the tight fitting dress showing off every curve of her body. Her face was as pretty as I could have imagined. “Hi, I’m Nikki,” and before I could reply she bent over and planted a kiss on both of my cheeks. I blushed as I felt the wet kisses lingering on my glowing cheeks. I stepped aside, inviting her in. “My, aren’t you a cutie, not the usual desperate married man I see far too often,” she said, chewing her gum. As she walked past me she ran her hand over my stomach, which clenched in. To even think the word I gives me a strange feeling in the marrow of my bones. It was years ago you see, that my humanity was taken from me. I surrendered in a way that seems logical by definition in its demand that I no longer refer to myself, or even think of myself as, a person. Since I am now an object, chattel of limited value, an animal, I think of myself as an it a thing to be used, or not, by my owners or their agents. By the end of this sentence, I will no longer refer to myself as an I, instead it will refer to itself as just what it is, a thing, and use the proper words to do so. Ahhh. What a relief. To write of itself as other than an it, is stressful, reminding it of the way it used to think when it was a person, and the nightmarish pain that it now associates with the struggle it put up in fighting its surrender. You see, it's not that it lives without pain--on the contrary, it lives with pain every moment of its life. Just that it understands now that pain,.
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