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No matter what you tell yourself inside your head, your body wants to fuck."Beth winced at the word and reached to pull her robe together. Eddie said then, "You're so beautiful, it would be a waste not to use your body, Auntie Beth. I think you can be the greatest fuck in the world, if you just let yourself be honest and admit that you dig it."Her eyes dropped from his. "I-I think I need a drink."Eddie went into the living room and poured a big one over ice, and when he brought it back, his sister was murmuring earnestly to his aunt and stroking her arm. He stood beside them and handed Beth the drink, seeing the streaky-brown head and the cornsilk blonde one close together."Thanks," Beth said, without looking up. She drank the liquor quickly, and as Eddie went back to sit down, said in a monotone, "I guess I realized what was happening, at least this afternoon. But I just - just couldn't admit it. You know that Paul was twenty years older than me, and that wasn't all. He was impotent. They work great but they don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1000 an inch.”The man perks up.“So,” the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years, and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now, she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before, and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.The doctor comes back the next day, “So, have you spoken with your wife?”“Yes I have,” says the man.“And has she helped you make a decision?”“Yes,” says the man.“What is your decision?” asks the doctor.“We’re getting granite countertops.”The Italian Gardner-Spring will be here before you know itAn elderly Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was.
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