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You hate that they have let you hate yourself more than you could ever hate them. You hate them because of the things they gave you which weren't all good. And the things they stole. Like crying on their shoulders which they gave, but your pride they took.When you're in love with someone for the first time and they don't love you back, you never want to fall in love again. You never want attachments with anyone because of this substantial pain that is constantly there. You never want to kiss with love, talk with love, witness love. You never want love unless, it's that one person you love. That's the only thing that matters. Love had a horrible reputation, it's either make it or ******* break it. Not take it.When you're hurt by someone who can't feel pain, you wish you never fell in love. Never in lust, never started talking, never meeting. You wish you could erase their smell so you wouldn't ever have to think about why you remember it so well. You wish you can't vividly remember. "My little toy," he whispered. My knees almost collapsed as his fingertip circled my nipple. It was like a movie. Watching myself. "You're ready. Get your toys." Johan picked up my beach bag and I grabbed the two toys from my dresser. Smiling, he took my elbow in his hand. There was no turning back now.He led me through the house and down the stairs into the lobby by the front door. He opened it and ushered me onto the landing. I was facing the street in the shadow of our house, and I was suddenly aware of the heat of the day, so much warmer than the coolness of the air-conditioning inside. I kept the toys behind my back as I looked around at our neighbours' houses. There was a very light breeze but the sun would definitely tan us. The sky was blue and the crickets were singing.Johan was standing right behind me and I turned around to face him, bringing the toys in front of me hide them from prying eyes. He stood in the frame of the door, holding it open and leaning against the.
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