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" she stammered."Get off my property, you damn fine sexy bitch, you!"At that moment, a black 1991 Lexus LS400 with 4-wheel suspension, an on-board stereo, dual exhaust pipes, anti-rust warranty package, and a 6-year or 50,000 mile guarantee, pulled up to the curb. Two girls dressed entirely in black jumped out and ran right towards me. My only thought was, "Wow, they're really well organized!"Now, when two ninja chicks pull up and try to jump you, you don't stand there with your mouth wide open like a freshwater bass waiting to be caught. No! You run like your ass is on fire! And run I did. But they were much, much faster than me. Fortunately, they both tripped over the same tree root and I was able to make my escape. But as I ran around the corner, I lost my footing and fell into... COSMIC PLOT HOLE(tm)!I awoke, tied to a bed. Both my arms were tied with square knots, while my feet were fastened with half-hitches. Where the rope or the bed or me came from, I do not know. The room. When he had tried to find out what she had decided, she had told him that she was tired and was going to bed. Not wanting to rush things and screw it up, Jamie had respected her privacy and had gone to his own room. This morning, there had been no sight of his mother when he got up so he had made his own breakfast and headed off to school.Now he sat waiting, wondering just what was going to happen when she finally did get home. At last he heard her car in the driveway. She was home, he fearfully thought. Now he would find out what she had decided. Or would she continue to shun him as she had done yesterday?Then he heard the front door open and close. It was closely followed by the clop of her high heels as she dropped them to the floor. Anxiously waiting, he heard her call out to him. "Jamie, I'm home." In the kitchen, Mom," he was somehow able to choke out. "Could you bring me a glass of wine, Sweetheart?" he heard her answer him back."Sure," he hollered back. Well, he thought, by.
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