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I’m really tired. I’m going to bed,” he lied, and almost tripped over the navy blue shaker rug under the sofa as he shuffled away, then climbed the stairs. Riley was confused, to say the least. Is he gay? Did I read him wrong? Does he not like me? Did I ruin it by making the first move? There were so many questions and so few answers. As he disappeared up the staircase, she realized it was just her and Oscar downstairs with a fire burning and she had no idea how to put it out. Not wanting to make things even more uncomfortable between her and Robert, she decided to sit a while to see if the fire would go out on its own. Oscar wasn’t interested in her company, apparently, because once Robert ran upstairs, he slowly pulled himself up, stretched, took a moment to stare at Riley with a furrow of dissatisfaction, then trotted out of the room. No one wanted her right now. Even the dog would rather be alone. After cleaning up the few dishes they’d used, Riley returned to see the fire still. As I walked home, a surprising revelation came to me. I was going to stop fooling around and playing with other girls as soon as I finally made love to Clara. From the moment that I first thought it, it made sense, and seemed fitting to me. The only drawback to this, at least that I could see, was that it probably would mean that I would try to delay when I actually first did do it with her. Making love to Clara would be a moment when I felt I was making an irreversible commitment. Even as I thought this, I knew I was already rushing too fast into something I wasn't emotionally mature enough to handle. Love doesn't wait for you to grow up enough to handle it. I loved Clara. She affected me in a way that no one else did. I felt as protective of her as I did of Kate. I could act on the love I felt for Clara, but not on what I felt for Kate. In some ways, what Kate and Clara did together made it easier for me to stay true to what I knew I must avoid.Back inside my house, I felt better. I.
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