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Unfortunately, I'm as much if not more to blame than he is. No. That isn't true. I want to blame him. It would be nice to be able to assuage the sense of guilt I feel by assigning some of the blame to him.But nothing that has happened, none of this mess was his fault. You know how people are. We always want to blame someone else for the messes we get ourselves into. And I've gotten myself into one hell of a mess this time. I'm not certain how I'll be able to live with the shame of some of the things I've done when this is over. And yet ... well, let me try to explain.The events that I've set in motion, the things that I've brought down on my family are the stuff of pulp fiction. These aren't things that happen to normal people, people like us. Except they are. And in quiet moments of retrospection I sometimes worry whether I'll be able to survive this with my sanity intact, much less my marriage and my relationship with my children. Those things are already under attack.All of that. They hadn’t seen her at the rail behind them and the woman had reached down and momentarily gripped the bulge in his trousers. She said something very quietly and giggled. Claire slowly slipped away leaving them to it but she had found herself glancing down at him as she did so. He did have quite a big boner. Yes, Karl’s conversation with her had been unsettling. She had to admit that she wasn’t very sexually experienced; she had only had three boyfriends before meeting Neil. He may have been the nicest of them all but he was also the smallest when it came to his manhood size. That afternoon she began to think about the couple that Karl was involved with. The wife pointing out the lack of size to her husband; the search for a well endowed male and that male visiting her department store with the husband to buy lingerie for his wife to wear. Her thoughts had driven her to buy a change of knickers that afternoon. That evening she had showered and changed before dinner and then.
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