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All kinks catered for. Yours for just £3000.And the letters and money just come pouring in, it really is most gratifying.Anyway, when I was stuck in that dingy office with Janine and her green eye shadow she banged on and on about how these columns weren't about me but about the saddos and their letters. Really? When I say 'banged on' I mean that quite literally because she had some cheap biro that she kept tapping on the table to emphasise each word, and if that isn't the most annoying personal habit imaginable then I don't know what is. So, just for you Janine, let's go 'to the letter'. Though it's more of a novella than a letter really, and not just any old novella but one of those really dreary Henry James novellas that insist on telling you where the tablecloth was made and how many pieces of cutlery were on the table and what cakes were served and in which order. Now I love a bit of late Victorian chick-lit as much as the next girl but in an advice column letter? What's wrong. While they're brains were still trying to process what they were seeing, he climbed out on the diving board of Tori's pool and executed a perfect one-and-a-half somersault dive, ripping the entry with no visible splash at all. “ He must be wearing a flesh-colored thong or speedo,” Cynthia said, more to herself than to her twin. “ No he's not,” Susanna replied, “I saw his cock.” “ You did not.” “ I did too,” Su insisted heatedly. Shaking her head, Cyn declared, “There is no way you could have seen his cock. Do you know how big it would have to be to have seen it from all the way up here?” The girls glared at each other, neither one willing to concede the point when they were both sure they were right. Then, suddenly, their eyes widened simultaneously as they both realized at the exact same moment that they were both right. Like a flash, they were both back at the window staring down at the fellow, who was, at that moment, doing laps in the pool with the strong, determined strokes of a.
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