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Allan and I are connecting on a higher level than I experienced with any of the dozen or more fucks I took part in today.It isn't as though we're lovers in the traditional sense. We most definitely are not. But we love each other and we respect each other. I suspect that performing this intimate act while looking deeply into each other's eyes like we are somehow makes it more than physical. I think we both know it and we both enjoy the difference.I spent a lot of time getting fucked this afternoon and I enjoyed more orgasms than I could count. But I was never once fucked like this when those four boys were taking turns raping me or a moment ago when Alex used me to masturbate into. This is an entirely new experience. I like it! I like it so much that I began to respond. I started getting verbal. I put my arms around my little brother and whispered with genuine passion, "Oh, Allan! That feels nice! If you keep that up I'm going to cum!"And then I did something really weird. I pulled. Finally, she spoke: "That Brad was cute: too bad you two broke up: we could have tried swinging!" Brad? I did my best to hide the stunned feeling that struck me. She went on, saying: "Hey, think you could, you know, just once invite him..." "No!" I said, immediately feeling I'd said it too strongly. Geez, she must know I wasn't ready for anything to do with Brad at this point! I forced myself to be calm: this was still a very delicate situation. "I couldn't," I said, more in control. "What about John? You said..." She stopped mid-sentence. When she did that, I realized my face must be revealing something of my thoughts. "I guess not," she added, looking in good humor. Somehow I felt a little disappointed that she didn't know me better. I don't mean about my longings for her, which I'd always been very careful to hide, but about those guys. I'd told her about Brad's and my breakup! And about John: sure, he'd date me in a second, but she ought to know there's no way I would ever.
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