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But after passing forty, I'd begun to just feel like life was passing me by. At first I thought it was just empty nest syndrome, with Cassandra going off to college. But once I started working in my Uncle Hank's office, it got worse. All day long I listened to the other women there, talking about all the things they did and I was jealous.I wasn't jealous that they were single. I love being married to Bob. He is the kindest, most loving man I know. I guess what I missed was the excitement we had when we were younger. Excitement isn't really the word for it. I think what I'm missing is that sense of desperation; the thrill of living on the edge. They say that youth is wasted on the young. I understand that now.That feeling of not knowing what is going to happen to you next, or just taking what life throws at you and winning your way through by the skin of your teeth is so exhilarating.A few months ago I got on Facebook because everyone else at the office did it. I occasionally got. I want to please him and take pleasure from him." Whew! That's hot! If you truly feel that way, then I have a suggestion, no it's more than a suggestion; it's a strong recommendation. Forget the fucking shields. If you don't let Josh in your mind, he'll know you don't trust him, and eventually his love for you will whither and die."When I didn't respond she said, "Tell me about your fears. What do you truly fear, Sandy?"I told her, told her in graphic detail. When I finished, I thought she'd cringe away from me. Instead, she said, "Well, fuck, is that all? It sounds to me that the despicable brutes deserved to die." It's the sheer savagery of what I did that I don't want you or Josh to witness. I went berserk, out of my mind. I stabbed and sliced and cut until I was covered in the blood of my victims, and still I didn't stop. I cut off a cock and stuffed it into a mouth. I cut off a head, Nicole, and watched it roll away from me, its eyes still alive briefly, looking at me as if I.
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