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As if the walls had been moved out a couple of feet.The bed that had always been too small, and the cause of many arguments, now seemed far too big. The expanse of sheets and blankets too much to cope with. I lay right in the middle, flat on my back, the blankets pushed down either side of me, like a vaguely defined burial mound on the dark bed.Oh shit, now I'm thinking about death again. I'll never get to sleep like this. Maybe if I think about when he was still here... I never got near the middle of the bed then. He'd push me aside with that cold butt of his, giggling like a girl, thinking it was so funny. And I'd laugh too, and push him back, but he always won. I didn't mind really.We both slept naked, and the feel of his butt was always arousing. God we did it a lot. All of it. Tender, gentle lovemaking, his touch sensitive but firm, our mutual caresses binding our souls. And fucking. Wild animal stuff. Frenzied coupling like wanton goats. Quickies almost anywhere, with him. I wasn't at all obsessive outside the confines of Country Store. So I didn't worry too much. Maybe life inside Country Store was my real life and everything I did outside was less than real in my mind. Either way I made the sandwich the same every time, right down to the number of times I turned it.The lightweight cast iron pan was filled with water after use, then put back on the stove to boil itself clean. That made it easier since it didn't have Teflon or any other miracle surface. It came from an antique store and probably shouldn't have been used for cooking. I didn't ask or care whether it was safe. If it gave me cancer, it gave me cancer, I thought.I flopped the sandwich on a paper plate, even though I have a full set of restaurant dishes also from the same antique store. The owner supposedly bought them from a local restaurant. The restaurant dated back to the thirties. It had gone out of business several years previously. I seldom used anything other than paper plates never.
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