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-UnlessIfI- ************ ‘Why can’t you just say it? Why must it be so hard for you? Can’t you just say it, for once? Why is everything so difficult with you?’ I looked into his eyes and saw the sadness and disappointment in them. A flash of white-hot humiliation went through me. I froze and dropped my eyes. It had always been hard for me to put my feelings into words. Maybe it was because I was shy, maybe it was because the crude comments of a past boyfriend still haunted me, or maybe I just didn’t know how to. Maybe I made too big a deal out of it and made it too difficult for myself. That was probably it. It still didn’t make things any easier, though. Three little words and I couldn’t say them. I thought them often. I said them in my mind when I looked at him sleeping next to me, when he cooked in our little kitchen, when he laughed. I thought of the words every single day but they refused to roll from my tongue. I tried to show him every day how I felt. I tried to convey it in. And make it more likely that you'd take me back, too." What did you think would happen to Tamara and me? Honestly, Gracie. Let's be honest now," I turned up the heat on Gracie as I downed my coffee."You'd ... probably keep fucking her. I knew that you would, especially since she works for you. And I figured that she probably wouldn't move out, either. But I figured that you'd at least lie to me, so I could pretend that you gave her up, while both of us kept fucking her," Gracie admitted, sounding and looking silly, even to herself now."That's what I thought ... and how long did you think that you could pretend that she wasn't basically my mistress, when she wasn't about to move to another bed and she certainly wouldn't go on the Pill ... and that I'd keep banging her bareback?" I pointed out to Gracie, "Dishonesty is no foundation for a good marriage. Your dream is to be married or is it to be with me and have my children? Share a life with me and all. Were your parents married or.
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