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When everyone else laughed at that idea, she retreated, but herreputation remained, and so she usually was alone.But now that loneliness seemed to help her, as she focused on the newkid, wondering.The first time she noticed something odd about the new kid had been threemonths ago, when one day, out of the blue, she looked at the new kid, andstared crying.A sense of grief, of sadness so great she simply couldn't contain itoverwhelmed her, and all she could do was cry.This feeling stayed with her whenever she was around the new kid for thenext couple of days, and then vanished.Odder, she found herself overlooking the new kid again, like she hadbefore the feeling had occurred.Until a month later, when it happened again.This time, she fought through the grief, trying to focus on what wascausing it, and when the feeling started to fade a couple of days later,she realized the feeling was familiar.But the last time she had felt it, it had come from the dead kid, the dayshe kissed it.She. I tried to take her in my arms for comfort, but she pushed me away."Not now, Jackie," she said in a tremulous voice. "Just leave me be for a little while, OK? I need to be alone right now," she added when I just stood there feeling stupid and useless. I left the room, and behind me I could hear the lock on the door click.The rest of the afternoon went by, and all evening. I had no idea what to do. It was our bedroom she'd locked me out of, and as the hour grew later and later I finally dossed down uncomfortably on the living room couch and, with the aid of a couple of solid slugs of scotch, fell into an uneasy sleep.It was still pitch black outside when she shook me awake. "Jackie, please wake up, I need to talk to you," she said. She'd apparently been up at least long enough to make coffee, and she gave me a cup while I struggled to regain alertness. She waited patiently."OK, honey," I said at last. "I'm functional." Jackie, you think I blame you, don't you?" she asked.I had no idea.
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