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‘We have to measure your fat and water composition, so that I can order the right sized urn.’ What startles me is not the claustrophobic and asthma inducing act I’m about to consent to. What startles me is my utter emotional flat line, like nothing registers anymore. The needle on my emotional plotter has gone home and closed shop. So much did I have to bear in this lifetime: The boss that talked about new thrilling new opportunities only to shove me into a soul crushing task or out the door into the howling cold, the doctor that cut yet another piece off my flesh, the nurse that robbed me yet of another dignity, the lost argument that required me to swallow my pride despite me being right, yet lacking the social capital to win, the many hours watching others get the charming girl or the uplifting hug that I so desperately yearned for. I beat the living pain out of me with the hammer of acceptance until only a gray, barren wasteland was left behind. What a tragedy! My eyes roamed her. After hearing how Kelly described it to me it sounded like she had so much fun and I wondered what it would be like too. For me to do anything like this I needed someone that could keep me from getting hurt and Kelly had Michael but I didn’t have someone like that, until now. You might have read that it took several years to get over losing Kelly in that accident and now we are together and he even asked me to marry him. When we went to visit her grave I almost thought he would go back in his shell because he started crying again but after that he said he felt better. I also made the mistake when Michael told me about this site and I was reading his stories and many others and I posted one that said if he wanted me to have sex with other guys I would and that I just wanted to make him happy and I would go to bed with as many guys as he wanted me to. He wasn’t mad that I wrote that but he wanted me to know that it won’t make him happy if I do that just for him because I had to.
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