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The mom asks, “Why on earth do you need that?”The little boy replies, “isn’t that what you give daddy when HIS shit won’t get hard?!”This compliments of Mario MComplaints to wife and replyTo My Dearest Wife,During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn’t succeed more often:We will wake the kids - 54 timesIt’s too late - 15 timesI’m too tired - 42 timesIt’s too early - 12 timesIt’s too hot - 18 timesPretending to be asleep - 31 timesThe neighbors will hear - 9 timesHeadache or backache - 26 timesSunburn - 10 timesYour mother will hear us - 9 timesNot in the mood - 21 timesWatching the late show - 17 timesToo sore - 26 timesNew hairdo - 6 timesWrong time of the month - 14 timesYou had to go to the bathroom - 19 timesOf the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that. Sure I have my moments, but I'm a bitch, I generally get my jollies by causing people anguish and I know it's only going to be a matter of time before I do something to screw this up.''Don't say that. If you give up before we start then what do we have to hope for?' I squeezed her.'I know, but there is another problem. I didn't want t tell you, but I know I have to.''What is it?' I felt my throat catch, she was screwing someone else. We hadn't said anything about being official, I guess I could deal with it, it just felt like ... I don't know, like we had finally connected.'It's about Stella.''So you weren't... ' I let my voice trail off.'You're such a guy. No, hunter. I wasn't boning someone. Stella called me a little while back crying like a retard.'That was a little harsh, I thought, maybe something was wrong? 'Um, what did she want?''Isn't that obvious?' Pepper sighed. 'She wants you, Hunter. She rung to tell me that she loves me and she will always be my friend.''That's nice of.
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