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I learned how to look older, hide minor blemishes, make my eyes more oval, paint my nails and style my hair. It was my first experience of looking pretty to be noticed. I loved red lipstick and nail polish. We tested how much makeup we could get away with at school until forced to go to the lavatory and wash it off.Shoes concealed our polished toenails from the nuns. We painted our fingernails on Fridays after school then smudged them clean Monday mornings. I applied lipstick before the rear-view mirror as soon as entering the Desoto after school in Mom's hotel parking space. The hems of my skirts were raised to the limit imposed by the nuns and higher after school.Neither Mom nor my fiancé was in favor of my driving on "girls' night out", attending slumber parties or the makeup sessions but I loved them. They were my weekly allotted highlight. Fridays, at a girl’s house, we put on makeup, dressed risqué and then I drove them to a drive-in, usually the El Rancho. Sometimes a girl. Maybemore than I deserved, but dad still wanted Rose to move with us, just incase. I was crushed, because there wasn't any doubt that I wanted to be agirl, and had worked hard to achieve it well enough to help my dad. He satthere smiling, as if everything was just fine, but as I felt the tearswelling in my eyes, I left the room, telling them I had to use thebathroom. I didn't want to cry in front of him. I wasn't going to let himsee me do that. I had done my best, which he himself had said was,"magnificent", yet he still didn't trust me enough to be myself. I shut thedoor and locked it, then looked in the mirror. Was I the girl I thought Iwas? Or was I just a sad parody of a girl? Maybe I was neither, or maybeboth. A boy that desperately wanted to be a girl, someone that looked likea girl, loved being a girl, wanted to be my fathers daughter, but wasn't,and from what I heard, it didn't sound to me like I ever would be.From the lessons that Rose gave me to what I had let them do to me.
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