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Or, do you?” he went on to ask, “Do you maybe see what other people see in her? I mean, she is kind of obviously a completely hot older woman, you can’t turn off the biological urges that tell you that even if she is your mom. You must see her around the house in those sexy negligees and think about her hot, sexy body.”I didn’t admit it to him then, but I had begun to admit to myself that this was increasingly the way that I thought about my mother. Trey was right, I couldn’t help myself when I saw her like that around the house, wearing just a satin chemise first thing in the morning or wrapped in just a towel coming out of the shower. Even seeing her gorgeous lingerie in the laundry basket was enough to have me fantasising about seeing that cotton and lace against my mother’s soft curves. Occasionally, I would see a bit of that sensual lace of her bra exposed by one of her low cut tops and the next time I saw that bra in the laundry I couldn’t help but imagine my mother’s breasts.. Weird. Iwashed my private parts quickly. I did not explore my vaginal area, andhoped I wouldn't need to anytime soon. The thought of even having avagina, Fallopian tubes and ovaries was way too freaky. Could I evenget pregnant? I wondered. I couldn't find any reason to believe I couldnot. But the act of making that happen seemed absolutely revolting.Washing my hair took a lot longer than I'd expected. It seemed to takeforever to get enough shampoo into it.Why is it that showering or bathing becomes a time when the mind worksat its deepest level? Perhaps it's the solitude of it all. As I wasgetting cleaned up, the clarity of what was happening began to sink in.My claims to amnesia probably would prove to be a good plan. Not onlywould I not know enough of my new life to not raise questionsotherwise, but I also found that I was still in a state of shock. Myemotions ranged from anger to grief. I was mourning the loss of my oldself, without the ability to process the weight of it all. I.
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