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She got theeducation, but didn't gain the forceful character like so many of hercolleagues. He was also naturally quiet, being a chubby child, of belowaverage height, prior to his teens he was seen as an easy target forbullying.The difference with James was that, having been the target of the schoolgang when very young, he had the determination to do something about it.He just found a way to drop out of sight for a couple of years, all thattime being taught self defence by a neighbour who was a policeman, and anex-army unarmed combat instructor. While he was thus being taught, evenhis parents thought he was going out to a model railway club.At school he found the lessons easy, but didn't draw attention to himselfby always answering the teacher's questions and deliberately finished hiswork with, not many, but a few errors. He was especially interested inIT studies, but didn't join the school computer club, preferring insteadto carry out independent research.By the time he was. ‘Stop. It,’ I growl, beating my thighs to distract myself from the pain in my heart. ‘You’re being dramatic. It’s just a guy.’ But even as the words leave my mouth, as I try to convince myself with lines I delivered to friends in coffee shops who cried over the breakup of their two-week relationship, I know it’s bullshit. Leo will never be some guy. He is the guy. And I know if things were different he’d be my guy. ‘But they aren’t,’ I say, forcing myself up and bracing my arms on the sink. A red cheeked and puffy-eyed girl stare back at me in the mirror. I haven’t been that girl in years. I hate that girl. ‘Move on,’ I grit, starting hard at myself, willing my reflation to change. ‘Deal with it and move on.’ July 10 I’m sick of myself. Despite my determination to move on, my body has other plans. Life, as it understands, has ended. Everything is a chore from eating to showering to talking, and the fucking color of the sky can make me break down into tears because it reminds me.
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