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The flock would all move gradually en masse to various parts of the field as each day passed. Occasionally they would all run somewhere else in the field and then resume grazing.“Why do they all go to the same places?” Helen asked, snuggled under my armpit as we watched them from the bed.“I suppose one off them decides ... and they all follow...”“Like sheep!” she laughed.“Exactly!”The room was spacious and the bed was huge, and we eyed it hungrily when we arrived, dropped our bags, undressed each other and fell into bed and each other’s arms, in which we lay awhile before hands began roaming to excite, lips flowed, kissed, and admitted tongues.Before long, on Helen’s instruction I was lodged deep within her and we were see-sawing our way to orgasmic release. It was relaxed (to some extent) and involved much eye contact as we sought to regain that deep intimacy we had before the break. We did not speak of this, but our physical need for closeness spoke for us.The weather smiled on us. I considered my options and contemplated while Iviewed myself in the mirror. I did not see a man, I saw a woman and Irealized a truth that I could not avoid, I appeared to be better lookingas a woman and I liked that I did, I wanted that reflection, therepresentation to be the way I would be seen: I wanted to be a womanfrom now on! I returned to the other girls at the table knowing thatwhat I was about to say would forever change my representation of mypersona from masculinity to femininity and as they say 'the shit wasabout to hit the fan'. Stalling for time I got another cup of coffee,they knew I had something to say, they were all looking at me, all eyeson me as I sat down and took a sip of my coffee, I turned to look Jane inher eyes and I knew that she already knew what I was going to say beforeI said it. "I'm so sorry Jane, I'll never be the man you want, when ilooked at myself in the mirror all I saw was a woman." I put mycigarette out and I quickly lit another and took.
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