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’ I couldn’t hide the annoyance in my voice. ‘Oh, you lucky girl.’ Was she making fun of me? She cooed it like she really meant it. What was I supposed to say? ‘Wasn’t it unbelievable?’ she asked. Unbelievable might be the right word. ‘To tell you the truth, I thought it was weird. All the stuff he does is weird. I didn’t even let him get to use them. He does this weird stuff and I’m supposed to think it’s sexy?’ ‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks.’ ‘Huh?’ ‘It’s from Hamlet, you know, Shakespeare. He took me Thursday night. Hamlet’s mother, the queen, speaks the line while they’re watching a play. Anyway, I’m just saying you’re complaining an awful lot about him if you really don’t like him. So you probably do.’ ‘That’s silly. He’s just a guy.’ ‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks.’ ‘Stop that. He took you to see Hamlet?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘What a nerd.’ ‘Well, yes. But so what? It’s my favorite Shakespeare.’ ‘So what’s with this ice cube thing?’ I asked. ‘Oh, no. It’s not my place. ’ Instead of having to pay the high food, gas, and utility prices, as their gift for the holidays, what if supermarkets gave you a free holiday meal, gas stations gave you a free tank of gas, and the electric, gas, phone, and cable companies gave you a free month of service for being a loyal customer and paying your bill on time throughout the year? ‘Honey, Super Shop gave me us free turkey for Christmas and Abdul Abdulla down at the gas station gave me a free tank of gas and wished me a Merry Christmas, Infidel. I didn’t know what to say to the terrorist-in-training, so I wished him that a camel never shits on his head. I left when he tried to set off his shoe bomb.’ Instead of using it as a chock block for your car, what if you really liked Aunt Sally’s fruitcake? ‘Another piece of fruitcake, please. Only, give me a thicker slice this time and spread some of Aunt Sally’s homemade marmalade on it, too. Yum.’ Instead of complaining and dreading the holiday, imagine if it didn’t.
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