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"Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?" Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just pooped my pants."A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:'So I hear you're getting married?''Yep!''Do I know her?''Nope!''This woman, is she good looking?''Not really.''Is she a good cook?''Naw, she can't cook too well.''Does she have lots of money?''Nope! Poor as a church mouse.''Well, then, is she good in bed?''I don't know.''Why in the world do you want to marry her then?''Because she can still drive and she has a car!'Three old guys are out walking...First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'*Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'*Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer... '*A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a. I raced around the building and was suddenly faced with a tiny bit of evidence that maybe God did not completely hate me. A surprisingly large crowd had quickly gathered outside the grey barrier around the restaurant. It was large enough that I was easily able to lose myself among them before the punks chasing me got around the corner."Whew, that was too fucking close," I whispered to myself, while I stood there panting and rubbed blood off my throbbing nose. "Now what the hell do I do?" I wondered aloud.That was when a random comment by my girlfriend popped up through the sludge clogging my mind. When we had first started dating, she mentioned something about having legal custody of her thirteen-year-old half-sister, "just in case of a pick-up." Thankfully, her sister Meredith was not going to turn fourteen for another month. As I raced for my car, I was thinking that maybe if I presented myself as a sponsor when the Marines went to pick her up, they would take me as well.Jumping in.
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