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Steak, potatoes, vegetables, his favorite glass of wine. I press the button on the stereo, soft slow jazz begins to play. Before he can put the key in the door, I open it. His mouth and eyes are both open wide when he sees me standing there. I am wearing a Santa hat, a red bow wrapped around my neck, a red and black corset, black garters, black stockings, black heels. ‘Welcome home baby!’ I say to him as I kiss him softly, while removing his coat, hat and gloves and lead him over to the table. I whisper in his ear, ‘I want you to sit, do nothing, and I shall do everything.’ I sit him down, take the glass of wine and place it to his lips. He sips it. I follow by licking his lips and giving him a soft kiss. I then proceed to feed him his meal, bite by bite, allowing him to slowly chew and swallow before offering the next. Once I have finished feeding him, I lead him to the bathroom. Inside the tub is filled with hot soapy water, the bubbles are high. Without a word being spoken, I. Joe had sparked the memory of how it had been between us – all of us – and there was a flicker of life fighting its way out. My first call was to Mia. She hugged me and handed me tissues, letting me ramble nonsensically about Ben and Joe and how I didn’t know what I was supposed to do or even what I wanted. She held my hand while I made an appointment with her therapist, then came with me and played with Josie in the waiting room for the first several sessions. I went back to work, which was a struggle at first. There had been a restructuring of my department during my leave and I had a new supervisor, Natasha. I don’t know if I believe in kismet or fate, but if I did then certainly she was sent my way for a reason. Natasha, I learned, had also been widowed young and was now remarried. She became a mentor to me, professionally and personally, subtly taking me under her wing. We began meeting at the company gym every morning. We spoke little, but I soon discovered that Natasha could.
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