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He'd lied in court about his role in the slaughter, but he knew the truth. It was he, as much as anyone else, who had murdered Eden St. John-Easton. As expected, the circumstances that accompanied the murder excused him of any blame. Who could have known just how much out of hand the rioters would get? But whether premeditated or not, it was Theo who'd allowed it to happen.The guilt plagued Theo more than he could ever have imagined. He'd thought it might subside after a year had passed by, but in a sense it only plagued him the more now that he had so successfully avoided being accused of the crime he knew he'd perpetrated.When the rioters came streaming into Berkeley Square, there were many things Theo could have done that he didn't do. He could have bolted up the front door to the house. He could have turned off the lights to suggest that no one was in. He could have lied when the rioters appeared at the door with their crowbars, baseball bats and other improvised weapons. He knew. But as a girl? It was way more intense. After I changed this was one ofthe biggest eye-openers about being a girl. You were never going to betruly happy with your body because everyone everywhere had some shit totalk about it. Even if they didn't realize it. Like on the cover of aCosmo. You weren't one of those girls. You couldn't possibly ever be.And no matter what you did, some dickhead was going to say, "I wouldn'tfuck her," as if everything you were doing you'd done for just thataim--to fuck a dickhead.And because of that, you were also going to learn to judge yourself thatway, as well.Even really cool girls I knew like my sister Emily and Tamara did it. SoI found myself doing it, too. My periods could have been a bit lessachey, and maybe I could have had bigger boobage like Sarah. I couldhave been taller, like Emily and Tam. I could have looked less cute andmore beautiful. I could have looked less like a junior high school boy. I saw tall girls like Heidi.
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