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One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said “I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!” He said, “Explain the kids!”A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!” Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, “Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!”Kid 1: “Hey, I bet you’re still a virgin.”Kid 2: “Yeah, I was a virgin until last night.”Kid 1: “As if.”Kid 2: “Yeah, just ask your sister.”Kid 1: “I don’t have a sister.”Kid 2: “You will in about nine months.”A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a. Present My mobile rang at 8. I answered it and there was an agonising pause. “I imagine that pile of rust in the car park is yours?” “Oh God, you’re here?” “Of course. Just thought I’d let you know. See you in the bar in 45 minutes?” “Yes,” but she had already rung off. I admit I had rather hoped we might meet in private first. I had not said so because I wanted it to be perfect for her. I was, though, rather afraid of how I might behave. Does that sound silly? I dried my hair and brushed it. I was toying with tying it back but decided loose would be good. Some slight makeup only for lips and eyes. I dressed slowly. A suspender belt of course, because she had said many times that she liked that. Stockings, black and seamed next because she likes them too. She had given me no instructions on how to dress beyond saying that the place looked posh so we’d better be too. My new dress was, I hoped, lovely. OK, it was another charity shop purchase but it was obviously some rich woman’s.
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