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So, here goes: My life feels like a giant mess pile in a contractor trash bag that I keep dragging behind me with no hope for the heaviness of its stress to lighten. I haven't gotten over my last break up yet - sad, I know - and it's just making me feel like I'm the most worthless person on the planet. I keep playing through what I did or where I went wrong but I keep coming blank then swap into these horrible bouts of self-loathing for not doing better at whatever the fuck was wrong. I keep thinking of him too. What he might be doing right now and constantly wondering if he is thinking of me at all. If he even cares about me to begin with? Etc, etc, etc. Insert standard sadness shit here, blah... As you know, I struggle with trying to distract myself with other tasks or activities that might help take my mind off how unworthy I feel - and how much wine I've consumed in recent months - but nothing is helping. I can't even find someone who is willing to hold me for longer than a few. My heart is pounding in excitement an Trevor appears next to me out of breath."Wha-what'd you find?" "I'm positive it was a form." I fiddle with the video recorder and bring it back to the point where I had seen he form. He puts down his equipment as I get it ready for him to watch. He watches the screen intently as do I and when he sees the clear form on the screen he can't help but clasp his hand over his mouth."That's incredible." He watches as the form runs across the dirt road into the trees. "Holy shit!"Our adrenaline pumping and the thought of what had happened, he wraps his arms around me and kisses me. I'm shocked but not as much as he seems to be at what he had just done. I place my recorder down and before he can apologize, I lean in and kiss him back, more deeply this time.He is hesitant but only for a moment. His hand finds itself on the back of my head pulling me in closer as our kiss becomes more passionate. I run my hands up his chest and shoulders the around the back.
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