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It would have been so easy. One fuck. She could’ve seen what all the hype was about. She could have felt the real thing rather than being left to rely on unsubstantial dreams.But then again, maybe he’d genuinely just wanted to catch up. The thought was almost humiliating, but they were old friends after all. Perhaps his intentions were wholly innocent. She couldn’t decide if that would make the offer better or worse.Everything felt confusing. She found herself checking her makeup more often. Wearing her hair differently. Eyeing Fred’s conquests and deliberating their attractiveness. Stupid things. And she did it almost unconsciously.Meanwhile, Fred acted like an archetypal gentleman. He knew how to get his way through the departments and he helped her out with delays; fast-tracking cases and tests. He had such an easy way with people. Something hypnotically friendly which obliged them to do as he asked. A charmer.He could have been a salesman, a politician, a fucking president,. A worn picture of her husband, husky and plain, a simple man but good – strong but gentle. A locket with a tiny photograph of her mother … clothes she had knitted with such love for the baby that died three days after birth. A plain and simple housedress, the gaudy clothes of her anguish burned in the fireplace of the simple log cabin. Her ruminations were interrupted by the voice of the man, asking if she were free for the evening. She looked at him, not a bad man, actually a kind gentleman, but a man that was from her loathed previous life. She turned away from his inquiry with tears in her eyes … but the tears could not hide the shame she felt. She turned back with a proud anger – the tears disregarded, her voice shaky. ‘Sir, you think you know me but you don’t. Please let me explain. I took the light down from my door and I don’t work there any more.’ She said this with a nod towards the now darkened cabin. ‘From the life I’ve been livin’ I’ve been given freedom. You’re standin’.
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