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I was left behind with my thoughts. On the first day I thought only about how difficult it was for me to say it aloud, how scared I was of it. I paced around the empty flat the whole day, made cups of tea to calm me down and then forgot them lying around with only a few sips drunk. I slept little that night. On the second morning I wished I could call him and ask him to come back so we could talk. I could make him understand, I was sure of it. I missed him. I wanted to touch him and I wanted him near me so I could smell his after shave and hear one of his stupid stories about Italy. The next day found me as a mess. My heart started to ache around noon that day, I was sure it was because I missed him so. The problem with three words seemed stupid now, insignificant and small. I became angry at myself for being so scared of every little thing in this world, for being a wimp, for only having the courage to touch him when he wanted to hear my words too. God, it was so frustrating to. "I've had worse actually," I said with a laugh. "Remind me to tell you about the two midgets someday."."Spare me." she replied.It was at that point, when a very groggy looking Peter joined us. "Well Peter go do whatever you have to do before breakfast, We are all going out for pancakes."For some reason, known only to God and Joseph Stalin perhaps, the Russian Pancake house made the very best pancakes in the county. Since that was the case, I drove the PT cruiser to Tryon. I drove it so that we didn't all need to fit into the front seat of a compact pickup truck.When we arrived in the parking lot, I realized how different I was. Both of them were all hunched over trying to avoid the cold wind. I didn't even notice it, but I quickly pretended that I did. I had to work at going unnoticed. Everybody else I knew talked about not being noticed, as if it were some kind terrible sin.The pancakes were sweet, so I enjoyed them. I like sweet as well as hot and spicy. It was the bland shit that.
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