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My body looked normal again, so I could see more clearly that there wasn’t even a scar on my shoulder from the bullet. The rapid healing made me wonder what would happen if I resisted the bloodthirst.Would I uncontrollably seek out the nearest source? Or would I be able to stop myself before hurting someone I cared about?For obvious reasons, I’d been pissed at the bastard, which I felt like was a major contributor in me giving into the impulse and losing control briefly, but it was hard to say. Honestly, as I thought about it, I realized I’d probably do it again -- rip his throat out.It was much more cathartic for me, in a strange way, compared to stabbing a knife in the other guy’s chest. I felt like the fucker got what he deserved.But still, that left the scary question. What would happen if I resisted indefinitely? Would I heal normally if I ate regular food and just toughed it out? Was it a requirement I drink blood? And did it have to be human blood?Lots of questions, all of. The first was longish, filled with the proper tang of longing, but mostly upbeat about what I was doing. A week later I sent her a much shorter email. She finally replied: great to here from you! we're going to the beach! Later!!There was no later. Thinking of you. Missing you. And hope you're having a great summer! A week after clicking send on that and hearing nothing back, well, I quit making time to hit the library.Instead I was so pathetic that I wound up spending my evenings sitting in my crappy dorm room, pen in hand, filling notebook pages with letters to Ellen. I copied her my latest poems, which tended to refer to her. The shameful thing was that I bought stamps and envelopes and actually mailed her the pages.I got real mail, once, toward the end of July. God how I cherished the opening of the envelope. I turned it into a ritual. But it was just the one time, and inside was a scrap of paper scribbled great--good job! I wrote her back, asking what she meant, but she wasted.
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