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I must think to myself.I make error in this day. Linda says many excuses for my error, but I will not excuse myself from it. I tell her before I am not best at what she and Irving wish me to do, but I will myself to be best, and yet I make error.M’kamba will not be so easy with me for this. I hear in my mind her voice telling me how foolish I am. “You listen only to surface,” she says, “you do not look beneath. Always it is needed to look beneath, to pierce through many layers to truth, do not stop at one or two or even more, go all way to base where truth lies.”But this day I do not do. I go to many layers, but there is still more beneath all and there I do not see. M’kamba has shame for me.M’kamba. She is dead, so many years ago I cannot understand. My children are dead, and the children of my children that I never know, and their children, and theirs, and so many that I cannot think it, all dead, so long ago.What happens to M’kamba when I am no longer there, when I am vanished and. But the last four years I haven't even been human, I was on a new world without my memories. I don't know who I am supposed to feel like now, and I didn't know what I was missing then. Every night I would have nightmares. I saw the things I had done during my bloodlust. I saw the things Kaan did to my family. Every day I awoke thankful that my memory hadn't returned. Every night I went to sleep, praying that I wouldn't turn into a monster when I awoke."I was tortured by what I didn't know. I was plagued with the fear I would become enlightened. Now I know everything. My fears came true. I was a monster. A hundred and fifty Ioshari gave their lives to join with me. They are with me to fight against Kaan. It is my duty to take him on. I just cannot do this while he has my family. I need to save them. I just don't know what to do here. I am not a genius tactician. I am a hunter, trained in the last four years. Compared to my past life I can do amazing things. Kaan has been fighting for.
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