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And given what I’m now agreeably asking her to do…“I mean… can you be as raw as possible?”Maybe I’d insulted her. Like thinking she could not was kind of a dig of sorts. Mom is only one thing and she wouldn’t know a goddamned thing about sex or being sexy? How preposterous of me to believe.“I can be raw.”Yup. She was a little bit upset if not angry at what I’d implied about her own boundaries or limited understanding of these things. How stupid of me. I was recalculating that misnomer and attempting to reassess when she repeated what she had said just prior.“I can be raw.”Her voice was different. It felt like she’d just shoved her tits up under my chin and asked me again if I don’t want huevos with my sausage.“How do you want it?”So I gave her another honest answer.“Like that. Actually. Willing. And not too concerned about how I’ll hear it.”There was a pause.And then a, “Hmm…”I grabbed my dick. I don’t know why I thought it made sense to allow that at that time. It may have just been. Because as much as you might not want me to be, anymore, I am yours even if you won't be mine. You said you hoped that when I met someone else she'd have better luck, but the fact is that I won't meet anyone else. I don't want to.I want you to be happy, whatever it takes. I would like to be the one who can help you with that, but I will understand if you find someone else. I will still be here, helping in any way I can, even if that's just setting up your tent or carrying your pack, hoping to prove myself eventually.I will say that if you do find someone else, I hope it won't be my brother. I cannot stand to think of the way he would treat you, and I'd be forced to kill him if he betrayed you.Anyway, when Leliana was listening to music earlier, I heard a song on that little machine of yours that seemed appropriate. It's all ready to go.I love you, always.Forever yours,AlistairI wiped away the tears that fell while I read, a couple of them splashing onto the parchment. I read it.
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