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Then the dreams. I didn’t, couldn’t write the detail. If anyone saw that, they’d be seeing deep into my depravity. I just wrote, ‘the dreams, the white dress.’ But I wrote, pages of notes that I would read again and again until I knew what was happening to me.I went to work, determined to search for a therapist, maybe a hypnotherapist, anyone who could help me. But then, during my coffee break, a thought struck me like a hammer blow. Why had I not thought it before? Hypnosis! Clemency had said, that first time I met her, that she did hypnosis. That could explain everything. It must be the explanation. I felt huge relief, as if I had uncovered the big secret, the truth. She’d hypnotised me. Was it, perhaps, the mantra, ‘the mystery, the different, the fear,’ that was her route into my head? When had she done that? How would I ever know? Who cares? Now I know, I can resist it, fight it, beat it.Who needs a therapist? A simple, rational explanation and I’m free.The following morning,. ...but still the phone (in double plastic bags) was quiet. I came inafter a few hours and already being wet, washed the car. The day justseemed to just drag on; the only time I smiled was when I noticed mypretty toes both on the kayak and while washing the car. I showeredand shaved before dinner and decided that dressing up would make mefeel better, but nothing fancy. Later I fixed chicken Cesar salad fordinner with bread and wine. I sat alone sipping the wine and eating onthe deck with perfect weather and stars in the sky. Yet still it was aquiet evening - I called Mom just to chat, she said I soundeddepressed, and why don't I come over to visit for dinner one night thisweek. While I thought about it; she still had no idea of the real me,and it was too long of a drive, but I could stop at that Starbucks andvisit with the counter man who had given me his number. Or I couldjust lounge around here, cook, and have a quiet week. Decision made!Work was busy all week, and several.
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